I’ve got a problem, please help! I met a girl online, and we’ve been dating for a while. She is really great, funny and SUPER HOT. However, I know in the long term she is not for me. We just don’t have enough in common. I felt is was wrong to continue seeing her if we were looking for different things so we had a conversation and I made it clear I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I gave her a get-out, but she claims to be on the same page. Problem is, I don’t believe her. She is intense and clingy. Is it fair to keep dating her casually if I think she is more into me than I am into her? If I’ve told her where I stand is it even my problem?
Graham hates to be the bearer of bad news, but I think you have answered your own question here. You quite obviously don’t have it in you to string the poor lass along. You seem quite clear what you are looking for, and it just aint her. So you, in the name of all that is noble in this sorry love game, feel you must put an end to it all together.
What is striking about your letter, oh confused wee soul, is that you don’t seem to know how you feel about her. Is she ‘great’ or is she ‘intense and clingy’? You paint a picture of two possible outcomes.
One is of a fun-time fling. We’ve heard it all before. No-strings, laid back, just two young care free chicks enjoying our fair city together. If that is the case then I doff my cap. On you go, have your fun.
The other is of slightly more concern. The game of love must be a fair one. If she likes you more than you like her, if she is biting her tongue and hiding what she really wants to please you, then, as you say, it’s time to pull the plug. Intense and clingy is not fun, if its bothering you so early on it will only grow into resentment. One of you will get hurt, and I think I know who.
By my reckoning poor soul, you like everything but the girl herself. There is a chance you are reading her wrong, and she is in it for the same reasons as you, but perhaps you should trust your own intuitions. Hurting her won’t make you happy. I know that for sure.