(Online) One Night Stands

Some say that ONS strictly belong to late-night flash attraction across a crowded dance-floor, however, what about a one night stand after a first online date? Are they allowed?

Our Graham recently spoke to two men, online daters, who admitted to always going home with their date after their first online date, and more often than not, having sex with them.

Simon*, 25, a hairdresser from North London, even admits to using certain dating websites for certain types of ‘conquests’. He says: ‘I pick and choose what I use the dating websites for. More often than not I’ve found that I can go home straight away with girls on Plenty of Fish, but if I’m looking to meet someone for a longer-term relationship, I use Guardian Soulmates.’

Though this may sound quite predatory, Simon insists that he has never felt uncomfortable asking his dates back to his place: ‘I only ever ask someone back if I feel the date has gone well, we’ve kissed, and I feel like the vibes are reciprocal. Of course my date can say no, that does happen, but then sometimes its my date doing the asking, not me’.

It seems that some online daters do expect this level of intimacy from a first online date. Steve, a 24 year old advertising account manager has invited his first online dates back to his place at the end of a good evening with about three different dates now. ‘When I meet someone online I really like to spend some time messaging them, and getting to know them before I meet them for a date. Because I have had so much communication with them before the date I never feel that, if I do end up going home with them, that it’s a random one-night stand.’

So, perhaps sex after a first online date doesn’t technically count as a one night stand? There is a definitely a sense that after the online matching, the trawling through pictures, the over-eager analysis of every single one of their interests that sometimes you may feel you know your online date better than that blathered person who has just caught your eye throwing sexy shapes on the Infernos dance-floor.

Photograph by V.  Miramontes

Photograph by V. Miramontes

Well, regardless, it is important to always stay safe when going back to someone else’s place late at night. Here are Our Graham’s top four rules for staying Online One Night Stand (OONS) savvy:

–       Make sure someone knows where you are. Let a friend know your whereabouts, and the address of your date if you are going back to their place. (This is good practice for any first online date; always let someone know where and when you are meeting).

–       Think about how much you have had to drink. Are beer goggles getting in the way? Is there a chance you could make a silly mistake. It might not be a bad idea to head home and have a think, but organise another date for the very near future…

–       Have condoms on you. It’s obvious isn’t it? Of course no one wants an STI from, or an unplanned pregnancy with someone they have just met.

–       Don’t be careless. Remember you may have gone home with someone you would like to see again. Respect your date, and enjoy your OONS.

*Names have been changed to protect identity


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